What’s Happening Beneath the Conflict

Conflict often intensifies when one or both partners feel some level of threat to the relationship. This can look like annoyance, defeat, etc. In these moments of stress, protective patterns shaped by earlier experiences can take over. One partner may pursue connection (via the need to be heard/understood) urgently, while the other pulls back to manage overwhelm - or maybe both of you are playing the same part. On a deep level, you’re both are trying to protect the relationship, even when it doesn’t look or feel that way.

You are not failing at love. You are each navigating behavior patterns that once served a purpose. When those patterns are understood with steadiness and kindness, conflict becomes more constructive and connection more secure.

How Couples Grow Through Conflict

In therapy, we often invite partners to slow down into their felt experience before trying to figure things out. This allows you to:

• Notice your emotional experience before reacting in ways that create distance

• Communicate in ways that are grounded rather than defensive or avoidant

• Repair more quickly after disconnection because you can share what happened internally

• Build trust and intimacy not through perfection, but through consistent presence and responsiveness

What We Focus On Together

While every couple’s path is unique, our work often includes:

• Slowing things down to recognize patterns that fuel active (i.e., ‘fight’) or avoidant (i.e., ‘flight’, ‘freeze’, or ‘fawn’) conflict

• Increasing nervous system steadiness in moments of intensity

• Strengthening self-awareness and compassion for all parts involved

• Encouraging a collaborative vs. oppositional frame for processing conflicts and mis-attunements

• Supporting repair and accountability without blame

• Developing ways to understand and express needs and boundaries clearly

A Grounded, Clear Approach

My couples work is based on Emotionally Focused Therapy — a research-backed, attachment-based model that has helped couples reconnect and heal for decades — woven together with somatic awareness, parts work, and mindfulness skills.

I do not take sides. I help you both understand what is happening beneath the surface so that conflict becomes more meaningful rather than more painful.

What Shifts Over Time

Couples who deepen emotional coherence often experience:

• Calmer, more constructive conflict

• Greater confidence in expressing needs

• Reduced resentment

• More authentic connection

• Increased safety, tenderness, and even lightness

Practical Information

• Session Structure: Weekly online sessions, typically 50 minutes

• Fee: $260 per session (sliding scale available)

• Insurance Considerations: I do not accept insurance but I am able to provide a superbill for plans offering out of network providers coverage

• Note: 80-minute sessions are available for couples needing additional support at times of heightened distress

• Location: Online throughout California.